R.E.S.P.E.C.T. is now spelled N.V.C.

It was important for Marshall Rosenberg to write Non-Violent Communicaiton (NVC): A Language of Life to share his vision of how communicating in a non-violent way can aide human beings in getting needs met in a way that is beneficial for all parties involved. The key distinctions are that the current language of our culture is violent and not in alignment with communicating in a way that allows all parties in a conversation to have their needs met. Through first observing, then expressing feelings and then needs, and finally making a request that allows the other party to choose to respond in a way that meets their needs, can foster a connection that contributes to both sides getting what they want and need. NVC has opened a whole new world of communication that I see can foster a dialog that meets my need for mutuality and connection. Having read Dr. Marshall Rosenberg's book and attending the Worls School's class on Non- Violent Communication, I now have a new tool of communication available to me that will contribute to my being able to express what I have observed in a given situation. Once I have communicated the observations, I can then express my feelings around what it was that was observed. After having expressed my feelings, I can then share what needs I have around those feelings. I can then make a request of the other party that is applicable to the current moment and that also gives the other party an opportunity to then communicate their feelings and needs in a way that contributes to both sides having their needs met. While I struggle with the process around NVC at this point in time, my vocabulary around my feelings and needs has grown tremendously. I see this as a first step in eventually mastering the language of NVC. As I continue to develop my skill in understanding my feelings and needs, my ability to naturally express my feelings and needs in a non-violent way will flow more easily. Also, as my vocabulary grows and my needs start to become met more fully, I will have more space to inquire as to the needs of others in a way that is harmonious and non-violent. This possibility of being able to communicate in a way that meets my needs and also allows me to contribute to the needs of others getting met is incredibly exciting.

It's Rapport - No, Not Michael

How can establishing rapport lead to miraculous things occuring? I met a man last week in the local park playing catch with his dog. I had casually interected with this man before at the same park, but never got his name, although I did get his dog's name. I figured I would go and talk to him and his dog. We had a few minutes of general chit chat, and it was through this that I had apparently built some rapport with this man. I had introduced myself and he told me his name. As we continued to talk, he started to share a very personal story with me about how his son had committed suicide almost exactly a year ago. I did nothing special during his sharing other than to be fully there listening to him. He was emotional during our discussion, and felt some relief by the end of our time talking. We acknowledged that what had happened was a true miracle, for before I left on my walk I had written a scene change about wanting the Law of Attraction to reveal to me related to the Celebration of Life. I mentioned this to the man, and he revealed to me that he was going to be having a party to celebrate the life of his son in the next week. We hugged each other and on my way I went. This was such a powerful example of the Law of Attraction at work, but also how important building rapport is in allowing another person to open up and share things that may be very personal. The Law of Attraction totally allowed the manifestation of celebration of life for me in this instance. Often times, we have needs that we can get met through interaction with others. This was definitely the case for me, when I had an exchange with this stranger that was miraculous and reinforcing for me. None of this would have been possible if not for my first being fully present with this individual in a way that built serious rapport in a very short time. This interaction was so powerful, I literally had the shakes afterward and I had to note to myself the power of the Law of Attraction and the power of truly being there for someone in a way that establishes rapport. What are some examples in your life where you were able to establish rapport with another? What came up for you at that time?

Choose It or Lose It

Here is the mind-blowing good news - we can choose how we spend our time. Time spent in joy, or time spent experiencing any enjoyable emotion, affects the attraction equation by more than any other factor. Many people have spent so many years pleasing everyone but themselves that they have no idea where to begin exploring what it is that they want. Can you relate? The exploration begins and ends with emotions. I ask myself what brings me my greatest joys, and look to do those activities that have the most intensely joyous emotions attached. Allowing yourself to do something you love that you haven’t allowed yourself to do in a while will get you started on the path to sustainable enjoyment and creating and attracting more of what you want. It is that easy. How would you like to explore your ultimate potential? What can you do today to start you on your path?

Ask and It Is Given

Up until very recently in my 43 years of physical existence, I have struggled to ‘find’ my life’s direction.

Can you relate?

It is through studying concepts like those described in Ask and It Is Given that I have been able to discover that I have only to follow my internal alignment system, i.e., my emotions, as they are what provide my life’s direction. I don’t have to figure it out in my head and then set out to find it, because following my emotions is like putting myself on autopilot. Everything I want and need is already there, and when I do those things that I enjoy and I experience enjoyable emotions, I am by default following my life’s direction. My mind-body-spirit already know what my life direction is and my emotions around the choices I make lead me right where I have been longing to go.

How cool is that?

Who wants more of that? If you do, all you need to do is ask (and it is given).

Think and Grow Rich

May I share something with you that has made a huge difference in my life and millions of others?

I guess I always understood at an intellectual level that being authentic and sincere about what you are doing or sharing with another person was important. But, I didn’t really FEEL the magnitude of how important this was until I read about it in Chapter 7 on Organized Planning in Hill’s book. His story of how the depression was created because companies and people weren’t treating their customers with respect. They had lost their integrity of purpose and were not coming from an authentic place of mutuality. This breakdown caused a major financial crisis back in 1929, and really resonated with me because I see the same thing happening today with the Great Recession and the banking bailouts.

Here is what truly resonated for me: I learned that I need to apply the same principles of authenticity and integrity to my everyday life and in all of my interactions. I know this because when I don’t, I don’t feel well. In other words, my emotions are telling me that I am not being true to who I really am when I don’t act with integrity and authenticity. After realizing this, I discovered for myself that I have the choice of deciding who I want to be, and that choice is guided by my emotions. If I feel enjoyable emotions and space when making a choice, then I have made a choice that is in alignment with my true self, and if I feel painful emotions, I am not in alignment with my true self and I may want to choose again.

Sex Hormone Chewing Gum - A Book Review?!

Sex hormone chewing gum! - Can you say Viagra? And soma, the choice drug in Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World. What a scary similarity it has to the prolific use of Prozac and other anti-depression drugs in our modern day society to keep folks in a state of suspension, a state of perpetual happiness, when an individual needs help in coping with their life.

Excerpt from Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World, c. 1932:

The Controller, after reading a paper scientific paper submitted for publication entitled “A New Theory of Biology”, makes the decision to not publish the paper because as he states, “The author’s mathematical treatment of the conception of purpose is novel and highly ingenious, but heretical and, so far as the present social order is concerned, dangerous and potentially subversive.” Upon the title page he writes - Not to be published.

After further consideration he thinks to himself, “the paper may cause the higher castes to lose their faith in happiness as the Sovereign Good and take to believing, instead, that the goal was somewhere beyond, somewhere outside the present human sphere; that the purpose of life was not the maintenance of well-being, but some intensification and refining of consciousness, some enlargement of knowledge. Which was, the Controller reflected, quite possibly true. But not, in the present circumstance, admissible.”

The key phrases here, the ones that ironically trigger an intellectual response in our current time, are the very ones that the Controller espouses that the scientific paper may trigger in Huxley’s world. Again, the key phrase here being, “that the goal was somewhere beyond, somewhere outside the present human sphere; that the purpose of life was not the maintenance of well-being, but some intensification and refining of consciousness, some enlargement of knowledge.”

Here, it is not that Huxley is pointing to a higher power, or a religious figurehead, when he refers to the purpose of life. In fact, the Sovereign Good, as he refers to it, is the present circumstance’s religion, with Ford (their term for God) as the figurehead.

- As an aside, my take on Ford as being the God of Huxley’s society, is that Ford was the father of the assembly line and a prominent figure of the industrial revolution. It is Ford’s assembly line concept which plays a prominent role in the development of the castes, the different classes (Alphas, Betas, Deltas, etc.) if you will, that make up Huxley’s utopian society.

Is it somewhat ironic then, that some 80 years after the publishing of Huxley’s seminal work, sustaining lasting happiness is perhaps the ultimate purpose in life? Have we come full circle? Or, is Huxley’s vision an extrapolation, an exaggeration, of prevailing thought during his time. That happiness is the ultimate purpose in life? If so, the Controller’s thoughts as to, “the goal was somewhere beyond, somewhere outside the present human sphere…” could be somewhat troubling if his alternately stated purpose of life is not taken collectively. The enlargement of knowledge, if taken as a singular recommendation, does not produce lasting happiness. It is that enlargement of knowledge, when undertaken in combination with the act of intensification and refining of consciousness that provides purpose. Huxley’s position may very well be that understanding your life’s purpose leads, by default, to happiness. This is reflected today in so much of what is written in self help books. Find your passion, your purpose, and attack that with all you have. Immerse yourself in your passion and happiness will be yours. Happiness, as a religion, or as a means to an end, is not happiness at all. It is a sham.

How does one enlarge knowledge and intensify and refine consciousness? That is a question that must be answered.

Consciousness:

· The fact of awareness by the mind of itself and the world

One’s consciousness can only be truly refined if a balance is attained between the mind and the world. If you refine consciousness only from a personal perspective, you promote ego, and a large ego is counter to lasting happiness. The mind is elevated through the expansion of knowledge but, it is important for the mind to understand its place in the world. There is a collective mind as well, which is made up of the minds of all individuals. Keeping that perspective, and promoting and encouraging others (the world) promotes the necessary balance that leads to purpose, fulfillment and true happiness.

The Controller reveals by way of quotation, to Bernard, John (the Savage) and Bernard’s friend Helmholtz, that he is evidently familiar with the work of Shakespeare. The Savage asks of the Controller pertaining to Shakespeare, “Why can’t the society make a “feely” (a kind of movie that can be felt while it is being viewed) of Othello.” The Controller indicates that it cannot be done, because Othello is old, and the masses wouldn’t understand it. You cannot make a tragedy in a society that only experiences happiness for they wouldn’t understand it’s real meaning. They would only see it as something unreal and farsical. They only understand the new and consume the new. Consumption of the new is what keeps them happy. This also seems eerily similar to the consumption society in which we now live. Our culture preaches that consumption leads to happiness, but as people soon find out, this is not the case.

Huxley’s portrayal of utopia should cause us pause. It raises serious questions as to where we are headed as a society. Eighty years after the release of Brave New World, have we progressed in such a way that we are heading directly toward what Huxley so prophetically predicted? It seems so in many ways. Current genetic research could easily lead to human engineering. The human genome has already been cracked, and further study of genes progresses.

How soon before we start pumping genetically superior infants out of baby farms? Pulling them straight from assembly lines and handing them over to new parents? And whose genetics will we be handing off? What messages will our scientists have planted hypnopaedically (while they were sleeping)? How close already is our marketing to a supposed innocuous form of propaganda?

Why aren’t our Alpha-pluses taking steps to stem the tide of these trends? Is it because they get richer off of the lower castes by remaining silent? Or, have they already been sent to their island?

The Beginning Of All Action Is Thought

Zen Master – “The beginning of all action is thought.”

Yes, thought is the beginning of all action. “No duh”, right?

But, we need the right kind of thought. I am not talking about the thoughts that are flying around in your head all the time. I am talking about those thoughts that arise when you are in a state of calm and quiet. Like those brilliant thoughts that come to you about 3:00 in the morning, only better.

Now, take a few extra minutes to think about what you will do tomorrow that will contribute to making tomorrow a better day for you and possibly for someone else. Perhaps your action for tomorrow is setting a reminder to repeat the breathing exercise from yesterday’s post. By doing only that, you will further develop your ability to get in touch with your body, realize the tension you are carrying around and use breath to calm and relax you. Perhaps in a renewed state of relaxation, your mind being calm, a new idea will come to you. One you thought about many years ago:

- a hobby that you want to start up again
- a place you want to visit alone, or with friends and family

Make a commitment to yourself now to take an action to make that thing happen. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. Start small and work your way into bigger things.

The Best Year of Your Life

I read another book during my vacation break. It was a relatively short one, 300+ pages or so, called The Best Year of Your Life, by Debbie Ford. In the book, Ford offers three general areas of focus, or phases – Dream It, Plan It, and Live It. It sounds pretty simple, and it is, if you take the small steps necessary to take yourself through each phase. I’ll let you read it for yourself, but wanted to introduce it here briefly, in the event anyone was interested in checking it out from their local library.

If you recall my post from yesterday, my stated “challenge to myself” of writing 300,000 words in a year is part of my initiative to make 2012 the best year of my life.

Writing 300,000 words in a year may very well require more than just posting to a blog. In fact, I am sure it will require much more. But, this is a good thing as it may very well lead me down other avenues and open doors to new opportunities. That is my true goal for 2012; open new doors and explore new opportunities for myself to make it my best year.

How will I do it? I am sure I’ll find that out along the way. That is part of the fun and excitement of starting a journey without necessarily knowing the destination. Don’t get me wrong, this is very challenging for me as I am a planner. When I go on vacation, I like to have my trip pretty well planned out. Just ask my wife and she will attest that this is true. If we are away for a week, I pretty much know what I will be doing five out of the 7 days. But, this is a new journey. An important journey to be sure. It is a journey of discovery (more properly, self-discovery). I will plan along the way, taking care to ensure I do the things I need to do to achieve my dreams and live my best life.

What are you doing to make 2012 your best year?
What steps did you take today to make tomorrow better?
What steps can you take this week to improve next week?

Perhaps you have yet to take action today to make 2012 your best year. Maybe you are saying to yourself that you are too tired, or too busy. We’ve all been there. If this is you right now, then I am asking you to do me a favor. Stop for a second and follow these steps – it will take less than 30 seconds of your time.

- Stop what you are doing and concentrate on your breathing.
- Breathe in two or three times and really concentrate on the flow of your breath in and out for those few seconds. This will force your mind to stop chattering about whatever was flying around in your thoughts before you started reading this.
- Close your eyes and feel the tension in your body, then, release that tension.
- Stay in that state of relaxation as long as you want, or for as long as you can. If you struggled to remain quiet and calm for very long, don’t lose heart – you’ll get better at it the more you try it.

Now that you are calm, take satisfaction from the fact that you have now accomplished something today that will contribute to making this your best year. Congratulations, you are on your way already!

The 300,000 Words in a Year Challenge

I am going to challenge myself in 2012 to try and write 300,000 words, or essentially 1000 words a day, six days a week. I "borrowed" the idea from Chris Guillebeau, the author of The Art of Non-Conformity, which I read over the holiday break while in Kauai.

I guess you could call it a resolution for the New Year, but I don't really do resolutions as my will power generally isn't up to the task. However, this challenge intrigues me for several reasons.

First, I like the feeling I get when I create something through the written word. It gives me a sense of accomplishment so often lacking in my day to day life.

Second, it is a viable discipline for me to create what hopefully some would call art. I wouldn't consider myself an artist in the classic sense of the word, i.e., drawing and the like. Although I have dabbled in that area very minimally and may have some talent, I have yet to make the necessary allowances of time to develop any kind of real ability. Writing is something that comes more naturally to me and hopefully it will flow naturally to many readers as well.

Third, I am hoping it will help me with my ability to focus and to also clear the slate as it were, to keep fresh ideas coming.

Fourth, writing is an opportunity to share something and contribute positively to others. One of Chris's concepts is that in whatever you do, you need to ensure you contribute to the well-being of others, and I agree holistically.

Lastly, it is my sincere hope that as I continue to write, my writing will improve, both grammatically and conceptually.

In my reading, I have come across several similar recommendations around how to capture ideas to write about later. Some call it a wheel book, which is what the Captain of a ship would use to capture daily events, e.g., the captain's log. The concept is simple - keep a small journal, small enough to be carried anywhere and be available at all times, so that when an idea comes, it can be captured in the near term and expanded upon later.

In having a notebook available, you can write ideas as they come so as not to forget them - alas, ideas are fleeting. But also, writing ideas down allows one to park them and free up their mind from the clutter that is rolling around inside. And I totally need that. Not that I have a zillion ideas or anything, but I get a good one every now and again, and it would be nice to be able to park it for later reference.

As a for instance, one idea I have is to take quotes that speak to me and create blog posts for those on this blog. I mean the blog is called Cathartic Squirt, and what better way to provide some catharsis through sharing intellectually stimulating quotes and opinions about said quotes. You know, how the quote speaks to me, asking for other’s opinions on how it speaks to them, thus creating a dialog which may lead to more ideas. I’ll start with the two below, the latter elaborating on the former.

Quote from Jim Rohn taken from Chris's blog (http://chrisguillebeau.com/3x5/how-to-write-300000-words-in-1-year/):“We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret and disappointment.”

Quote from Chris Guillebeau:
“In choosing to write, you must choose the pain of discipline. Good news: it’s not that painful, once you get used to it. You just have to make it more important than other things you could spend time on. Make your art your obsession. Fall in love with it. Experience withdrawal symptoms when you don’t give it your attention.”

I need discipline, and I need a sense of accomplishment. Doesn't everyone? It helps get you through the day and is what gets you up the next morning so you can feel it again. Writing is a great way to productively fill the dead space within a day. If I can become an artist through the written word, I will have accomplished something very significant.

Writing allows one to put oneself out there for others to judge, aka you, the reader. That can be a frightening prospect, but again, I am optimistic that I can provide something through writing that others (you again) will receive positively. Will it all be art? Most assuredly not, but all art is subjective, and as long as someone likes some of it, then it will be worth it. Even if no one likes it, it will have been worth it as I will still have accomplished the goal I set for myself. That is, assuming I can stay at it day in and day out. But, I need to look at it not as a task, but as my obsession.

All we have is now, so isn’t it better to use any dead space productively? Again, productive may be subjective here, but you get the point. Stick with me, and I promise my writing will get better.

For those less adventurous types, this is an opportunity to live vicariously through me. Hopefully you will be motivated in some way and as I face setbacks and overcome obstacles you can share in the successes. I have a real opportunity to be an example for others to follow. And then those that do follow can be the inspiration for even more people. Pay it forward, as they say.

Off to a start, maybe not a strong one, but no one said it had to be strong. As long as it is a start - but more on that tomorrow.

Making every blog post 1000 words or so every day is probably not the best way to get a blog off the ground. I suppose not everyone has the time, or inclination, to read someone else’s 1000 word opinion, so we’ll see how it plays out. I will try to spare everyone after this initial plethora of verbitude.

So, how long does it take to write 1000 words you may ask? Well, to create this post it took approximately two hours and it contains approximately 1000 words, not including the title or the ones I lifted from Chris's blog (although I did count the word verbitude (twice) which isn’t a real word). I hope you won't hold me to that.

If you made it through the post, you accomplished something today as well - you read over 1000 words - congratulations, and thanks for sticking with me to the end! Or should I say the beginning? 1000 down and 299,000 to go!

Koi Pond #1

This is the first in what I am planning to be a weekly series of video posts I will be making in 2012 to contribute to folk's sense of inner peace. The idea being that you can take a minute or two out of your busy work week to reset.

This is your cathartic squirt for this week. I am hoping you will take the opportunity to put everything else in your life aside for one or two minutes and enjoy some tranquility.

I hope you will enjoy, and I welcome your comments, on the one minute video of a Koi pond at the Kauai Marriott in Lihue, HI I made and posted below.

I find it helps to just concentrate on my breathe in and out while watching - it helps calm the mind chatter.